


The Misadventures of Supergal

by justanexercise



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Humor, References to Porn, sort of crack fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-09 02:15:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8871724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanexercise/pseuds/justanexercise
Summary: Kara discovers the existence of Supergal, and no she is not a superhero. She scrambles to get it off the internet before Alex finds out, enlisting the help of her very unhelpful friends.AKA the time Kara finds out there is celebrity porn of herself (and others).





	1. Winn & Mon-El

“Are you busy?” Mon-El asks, leaning on the desk next to Winn.

“Yes, very.” Winn types faster, pointedly not looking at Mon-El lest he distracts him even more.

Mon-El, undeterred, practically lays on the table with his chin in his hands. “Very busy? You sure?”

Moving the keyboard away, Winn says, “Yes. Very.”

“But I have something to show you.” Mon-El follows it up with a bounce of his eyebrows. Winn doesn’t even look.

“The last time you said that, Alex threw us out of the room without even letting us get dressed!”

“I promise this isn’t work sex.” At Winn’s look, Mon-El rephrases. “Well maybe later, but right now it’s not that. I found something on the internetting.”

“Internet?”

“That’s what I said. I found something…intriguing, it might have something to do with Kara.”

Winn narrows his eyes suspiciously and pushes away from the computer, crossing his arms. “You could go to Alex then or Kara.”

Mon-El shakes his head. “No no, I don’t believe it is wise to do so until we are sure.”

“Sure of what?”

Taking Winn’s hand, Mon-El pulls him up and away to the training room. He gestures excitedly at the laptop on the ground.

“Please don’t tell me someone taught you Netflix and chill,” Winn says, letting Mon-El tug him down to sit on the ground.

“Kara has given me access to her Netflix and said ice cream goes perfectly with it.”

Winn doesn’t bother correcting him, it’s best to let him keep that part of it innocent. He shakes his head and leans against Mon-El’s shoulder.

“Okay what are we watching then?”

Pressing play, Mon-El watches Winn’s face intently. Winn’s eyebrows furrow in confusion before he punches Mon-El in the arm.

“You said we weren’t going to do anything!”

“We are not.”

“T-Then…” Winn waves his hands in the air, trying to find the right words. “Why are you making me watch porn?”

Mon-El frowns. “Look.”

Heaving a large sigh, Winn turns his attention back to the pornography on the screen. A moment later he slaps his hands over his face. “Oh my god. Where did you get that?”

“I had always wondered how Kara could afford her apartment and consume as much as she does with her salary. Eve told me the stipend she receives is very little.”

“She wouldn’t…no this can’t be…” Winn peeks through his fingers. “It’s not…is it? It kinda…wait is that…?”

“I was hoping you could tell me,” Mon-El says. “I have never met him before.”

“We only met like…three times, I couldn’t…” Winn pauses the video and leans in so close his nose almost touch the screen. “Yea it kinda does…”

-

Kara flashes passing agents with a brilliant smile. She sees Alex down the hall, looking far too engrossed in a report. Kara super speeds right at her and helps Alex pick up the scattered pieces of paper she’d make fly around. Alex blows out a stray piece of hair caught in her mouth and pins Kara with a playful glare.

“What did I say about that wind power?”

Sticking a tongue out, Kara chuckles and steps behind Alex, lightly massaging her tense shoulders. “So, date night tonight?”

Alex’s shoulders tense even more. Kara’s smile slips, that always means over time and no play time.

“Sorry Kara, we just got a lead on the Branx.”

“Okay, maybe we can just watch Netflix after we round them up?”

Kara leans into Alex when Alex reaches over to hold her hand.

“I said a lead, we’re not ready for you to go punch yet.”

“Well, you tell me first thing when I get to punch them okay?” Kara glances around, seeing no straying eyes before she kisses Alex on the cheek.

“Kara,” Alex warns lowly.

“What? I checked!” Kara pouts indignantly. “And it was the cheek.”

Alex does her own perimeter check. She takes Kara’s chin in a tight grip and kisses Kara on the lips.

“I’ll be home late, don’t wait up.” Alex kisses her again and walks off.

Kara watches her go with a dreamy sigh. She spins on her heels, ready to take on the world again. First things first though, training Mon-El. Now she just has to find where he is. Kara quickly squints, using her X-ray vision. She spots him in the training room. Maybe he’s actually finally taking the whole training thing seriously.

Kara knocks on the doors once before strolling in. “Okay both your clothes are on so that means – oh my god.” Kara stutters to a stop.

“Kara!” Winn screeches and falls backwards.

“W-what is that?” Kara points as shaky finger at the laptop, her eyes wide in horror. “What am I doing? What is Kal doing?!”

Winn slams the laptop shut. The video goes into projector mode instead, displaying a full wall of pornography.

“Oh no,” Mon-El mumbles, opening the lap top and frantically mashing every button.

There’s no need, Kara’s eyes glow red. Winn and Mon-El barely leap away in time before Kara heat visions the laptop into a puddle. Maintenance is not going to be happy.

Her chest heaves, breathing wildly. She turns to them, eyes blazing, just a hint of red around them. Winn holds his hands up in a placating fashion.

“Wait, I can explain!”

Kara’s eyes recede in color and she takes a step back, nodding sharply for him to continue.

He swallows nervously. “That…that was…uhm…I was just-we were just making sure…it wasn’t some weird…thing.”

“Explain. Faster.”

Mon-El pats Winn’s shoulder and takes over. “It’s called Supercumfamily.”

Winn groans, holding his face in his hands.

“Excuse me?”

“The movie, that’s the title, with Supergal and Superdude. I found it last night,” Mon-El says with a sort of bravado one sees before you crash a car into a tree. “Is this how you supplement your income?”

“That’s not me!” Kara takes a deep calming breath. “That was not me!”

The calming breath does not work.

“Good! That’s good,” Winn says. “So good we got that sorted out.”

Kara pins him with a glare and Winn promptly shuts up. She sucks in a breath. “Who else has seen that?”

“Uhh…” Winn nervously rubs his neck. “It’s…it’s actually the top video on the site…”

“What?”

Mon-El nods. “You are very popular Kara. It has over twenty million views.”

“I am going to get to the bottom of this,” Kara says, seething.

“Oh that’s what Supergal said when—“ Mon-El cuts off when Winn jabs him in the stomach.

Kara points to them. “You tell anyone—“

“You’ll melt our faces off, yea.”

“Oh I’ll melt more than your face!” Kara stomps off, her cape swishing with her determined steps.

“I think she means our genitals,” Mon-El unhelpfully adds.

Winn folds into himself. “We’re so dead.”

“Kara would not hurt us…permanently.”

“No but Alex would!”

“Oh…” Mon-El purses his lips thoughtfully. “I hear Antarctica has penguins.”

“They can’t save us, they can’t even fly!”


	2. Superman

“Kara?” Clark half stands, watching as Kara stumbles past his colleagues to his desk.

“Kara’s here?” Lois peeks up from her desk and waves at Kara.

“H-hey!” Kara pushes up her glasses and hugs Lois briefly before hugging Clark.

“What’re you doing here? Did something happen?” Clark looks ready to fly off with Kara.

“N-No, not like that, it’s uhm…” Kara fidgets with the bottom of her shirt. “I just need to talk to you, in private?”

“Sure, we’ll use a meeting room.” Clark shares a concerned look with Lois before taking Kara to the empty meeting rooms. “So what’s going on?” Clark asks once the door clicks shut.

“I don’t really know how to say this so I’m just going to say it.” Kara chews on her nails and paces around the room, starting to turn into a blur.

“Kara? You’re using super speed.”

“Oh.” She stutters to a stop in front of him, the wind whipping his tie to his face. “There’s…there’s…” She sags in defeat. “There’s pornography of us.”

“Uh…what?”

“Pornography of Superman and Supergirl.”

“Oh, oh yea, I know that.” Clark blushes and pushes his glasses up. “It kind of comes with being famous I think?”

“B-but…you _knew_?” Kara accuses. “Why didn’t you make them stop!”

“Well it wasn’t harming anyone, and no one is going to believe it’s actually us.”

“They have us…doing stuff!” Kara waves her hands around anxiously. “To each other!”

“What?” Clark blinks. “You mean…but we’re…oh…”

Kara taps her foot impatiently.

“Well uhm…” he adjusts his tie. “That was…I guess that was…bound to happen.”

“Clark! They’re using our family coat of arms to do …stuff!” Kara says, her lips wobbling. “They’re tarnishing the reputation of the House of El!”

“Oh…” Clark scratches the back of his neck nervously. Of course he never really got the significance of the family coat of arms. He was raised human. He looks at Kara, her face flushed with embarrassed anger. “Alright, I’ll do something okay?”

“Like what?”

“Cease and desist? I’ll talk it over with Lois and see what she thinks.”

“Oh god you’re gonna tell Lois?” Kara rubs her hands over her face.

“Actually she was the one who told me about it before.”

Kara blushes even more and nods. “Okay, okay thanks Clark.”

“Anytime Cous.” He opens his arms out for a hug and she hugs him tightly. His ribs creak in protest. He should probably tell her she’s stronger than him and the hugs shouldn’t be as hard as you can, but she pulls away with such a brilliant smile he keeps it to himself.

“Okay I should probably get back, I didn’t really tell anyone…”

“Uh oh,” he says. “Alex is going to go on a womanhunt soon.”

“I know I know.”

-

Kara huffs and punches her pillow into shape again. She tosses and turns in bed, sliding over to Alex’s side and hugging her pillow.

Sure, Clark said he’ll do something about it, but what can he do really? Maybe Lois would figure something out, she’s got the Lane drive as everyone says. Kara sighs and inhales deeply, hoping for Alex’s scent to calm her down. It helps just a bit.

She checks her clock on the bedside table, it’s almost midnight and Alex still hasn’t come back. No messages either other than last text she sent telling Alex to go eat dinner. That was two hours ago. Kara turns again.

Her ears perk up, hearing Alex’s key scratch against the lock. Kara lets go of Alex’s pillow and fluffs it up as best as she can before scooting back over to her side and pretending to be asleep. Alex shuffles around in the dark, taking off her clothes. Kara cracks open an eye and watches with clarity as Alex sheds her clothes into the hamper. She grins. Having super vision is the best. Alex turns and hurls her leather jacket at Kara’s head.

“Hey!” Kara yells indignantly and whips off the leather jacket blocking her view. “That was mean.”

“Stop staring.”

“I can totally stare if I want.”

“Uh huh.” Alex goes to the drawer to take out her pajamas. She slips in beside Kara and hugs her tight. “What’s wrong?”

“What? Nothing’s wrong.” Kara relaxes into Alex’s embrace and scoots her back closer to Alex.

“Yea? That’s why my pillow is all mangled up huh?”

Kara plays with Alex’s finger splayed over her stomach. She chews on her lip, wondering how much she should tell Alex. Knowing Alex she’d go in half-cocked ready to defend her honor.

“I’m taking care of it.”

Wrong thing to say. Alex leans over her.

“What are you taking care of?” Alex frowns. “Do I need to—“

“No!” Kara rolls onto her back and pulls Alex until Alex relaxes and lays herself on Kara’s chest. “I promise if I need any help I’ll ask you okay?”

“Or you can tell me now and I can help.”

Kara runs her hands over Alex’s back, letting it drift under Alex’s shirt.

“You’re trying to distract me.” Alex stretches out over Kara and pulls her shirt back down.

“Maybe.”  Kara pouts, letting her hand back out.

“Okay fine. Tell me when you’re ready?” Alex kisses Kara lightly.

“I will.” Kara grins, laying kisses all over Alex’s face.

“Ugh!” Alex pushes her away and rolls off to her side of the bed. “Go to sleep, you’re such a puppy.”

“Yup!” Kara grins, spooning Alex. She sighs happily when Alex reaches over to entwine their fingers.

She’ll deal with the situation tomorrow.

 


	3. Cat Grant

“Ms. Grant, I have some very very…yucky…no alarming…no yucky, definitely yucky news about…” Kara puffs out her cheeks and drops her head. She kicks at the carpet and resumes her pacing while Eve looks on in concern.

“Uhhm…Kara?” Eve asks.

Kara doesn’t even hear her. “Okay so, there’s some…things that you should know, and I think you’re the best person to…ugh.”

“I can hear you worrying from here,” Cat shouts in her office. “Get in here Kara.”

Kara yelps just a tiny bit and gives Eve a tiny nervous smile before she rushes in, closing Cat’s doors for a modicum of privacy.

“Out with it,” Cat says, barely paying Kara any attention as she eats her lunch.

“Okay so…” Kara adjust her glasses nervously. “I just…there’s something I found—not me—I did not find it, but I …okay it’s about Supergirl.”

Cat glances up and puts her fork down. “Oh? And what is it about Supergirl that you need to tell me?” Cat steeples her fingers together with a barely concealed grin.

“T-There’s…” Kara leans in close and whispers. “Pornography.”

“That’s it?” Cat chuckles and flicks her hand.

“With Superman!”

“Oh you mean Supercumfamily?”

Kara’s eyes widen. “Y-you know it?”

“Kara, I know everything about Supergirl. Everything.”

“B-but…how could…why would you…” Kara fumbles and blushes, refusing to meet Cat’s eyes.

“Well, these things happen. Honestly, there are far worse pornography videos out there that wanted to capitalize on her.” Cat waves her hand dismissively. “The video itself is rather shot well, though the acting is abysmal.” Cat gets a gleam in her eyes and lets her eyes run up and down Kara. “You know, you do have a striking resemblance to—“

“No!” Kara crosses her arms over her chest uncomfortably as if Cat is the one who has X-ray vision.

“Merely a suggestion.” Cat smiles devilishly. “I do have to say your taste in porn—“

“I didn’t watch it!” Kara shouts indignantly earning herself a few curious glances outside the office.

Cat gives a look and Kara quiets down. “Now is that all?”

“What? What are you going to do about it?”

“Do about it?”

“There’s p-p…” Kara clears her throat. “There’s that yucky thing about her with her _cousin_!”

“Well who knows what type of traditions aliens have.”

Kara’s face skews in such disgust. “That’s her _cousin_! They’re bound by blood!”

“And it’s legal in a quite a few states.” Cat shakes her head in amusement. “Oh Kara, your innocence never fails to amuse me. So unless Supergirl herself tries to demand that they stop making pornographic versions of her – which would encourage rather than stop – I suggest you let this go.”

Huffing, Kara almost stomps back out when Cat calls out to her.

“And this is not article worthy. Don’t waste company time writing it.”

Damn it. Kara slinks out and smiles tightly at Eve who’s looking at her in worry.

-

She needs to have a better handle on this situation, which requires…research. Kara hides behind her hand while the other one scrolling through her laptop and grimacing with every iteration she finds. Why are there so many?? Humans are too obsessed with sex.

“Yuck!” Kara gags, seeing one with a Maxwell Lord look-alike. She quickly scrolls past it.

“Seriously?” she mumbles. Supergal with CEO Media Queen. Wow. Kara takes note of the title on her notebook. Maybe if Cat saw this one then maybe she’d finally take it seriously, really the description itself should send Cat to the legal department. Middle-aged blonde CEO media mogul chases story using her giganormous boobs. Hah! Kara chuckles.

She tilts her head at the next set of videos.

Agent X tames Supergal.

Kara tilts her head the other way as the preview goes. That…that haircut looks strangely like Alex’s. Kara gulps. Oh…it’s a coincidence right? Well, it’s not like it’s a secret that a black ops group has been fighting aliens…and with the proliferation of cameras on cell phones, it’s not a stretch that maybe someone got a shot of Alex too. Kara swallows nervously, watching as her porn doppelganger flirts with the agent on screen.

Kara slams her laptop shut as soon as she hears the key go into the lock. Alex shoulders the door open, her arms laden with takeout bags.

“You owe me,” Alex says, dumping them on the kitchen table.

“What?” Kara’s already digging into the containers for her coveted pot stickers. On the way to Alex, she opens the fridge and twists off the cap on the beer for Alex.

“Thanks,” Alex mumbles before taking a large swig. She takes a plate of fried rice with her to the couch. “Okay what we were on?”

Kara’s eyes nearly bulge out when Alex opens her laptop. She super speeds over and pushes the laptop to the ground.

“What the hell?” Alex adjusts the plate on her knees that was in serious danger of topping over.

“So, I was thinking that we should go on a date.”

Alex raises her eyebrows. “Okay? Sure?”

“And we should plan it! Maybe no Netflix tonight then.” Kara closes her laptop with her foot and kicks it under the couch.

Alex narrows her eyes in suspicion for a moment before she scoots over and pats the spot next to her. “Where do you wanna go?”

Kara takes a seat and is glad that Alex ignores her weird behavior. She instead puts on the best smile to distract Alex. “I was thinking maybe we can go to a museum?”

“What kind of museum?”

“The…science one?”

Alex looks suspicious again. “You hate science.”

“I don’t hate it,” Kara says, eating two pot stickers at once so she has some time. “But you like it…we always do what I like…”

“Hey, I like that stuff too.” Alex rubs Kara’s knees and kisses her cheek. “But we could go to one that has different exhibits.”

Kara nods enthusiastically. “And dinner after.”

“And lunch before it.”

Kara can’t help the gleeful squeal she emits.


	4. Lucy Lane

Kara knocks loudly and insistently, hearing Lucy curse under her breath until the door’s whipped open. Kara holds up a box of pastries and coffee. Lucy is not appeased.

“Has anyone told you, you have the most annoying knock ever?” Lucy growls. She moves to let Kara pass her and yawns into her hands.

“Sorry,” Kara says and opens the box, holding a jelly donut for Lucy.

Lucy grabs it and tears into it, putting her palm out for coffee that Kara immediately puts into her hands. When Lucy looks a bit more wakeful, she pins Kara with a glare.

“What did you need that you had to wake me up at…,” Lucy checks her watch, “five in the morning when I barely got back at two?”

“Oh! I’m sorry…I thought…I should go.” Kara brushes her sweaty hands over her pants.

“Kara, I’m already awake, what’s up?”

“I need legal advice.”

Lucy’s eyes widen. “What happened?”

“Uhm… okay so this is just…this is going to sound weird.” Kara sighs. “How do you stop people from making pornography about you?”

Lucy blinks. “Wait did you get filmed without your consent?”

“It wasn’t _me_ but it’s someone who looks like me? Well not me-me, but Supergirl me.”

“Kara I’m so not awake for your cute stammers, I need a coherent sentence.”

“You think it’s cute?” Kara beams.

“Kara!”

“Right sorry. Okay so….apparently there’s Supergirl pornography? Like they named her Supergal and Superdude and it’s just gross.” Kara gags.

“Oh. So someone—“

“A lot of people.”

“—made parody celebrity porn of you and…my sister’s boyfriend.” Lucy makes the same disgusted face as Kara.

“Together…” Kara says with another face.

“That’s…okay. Not unexpected.”

“Why does everyone say that?” Kara flaps her arms on her thighs.

“You two are public figures, I’m surprised it’s just one.”

Kara shifts uncomfortably. “Uhm…it’s not …just one.”

Lucy grins and leans in close. “Kara Danvers, did you watch porn?”

“I did it for research!” Kara blushes.

“Uh huh, no judgment, just a bit of questionable tastes.”

“I didn’t _enjoy_ it!”

“To each their own.”

“Lucy!”

“Okay okay. Well, from what I can remember, it’s a case by case basis. You’d have to sue.”

Kara’s eyes widen. “Sue them? How?”

“Probably as Supergirl, but there’s also no guarantee you’ll be able to win.”

Kara pouts so much that Lucy can’t help but pat her head.

“They’re using my family coat of arms.” Kara fiddles with her fingers. “It’s all I have left…”

“Well,” Lucy drags out the word. Kara’s head jolts up, her face looking hopeful. “We might be able to trademark that then, make sure they don’t use it anymore.”

“Really?” Kara squeals and drags Lucy into a tight hug. “Thank you thank you thank you!”

“Kara, can’t breathe.”

“Sorry!” Kara lets her go and rubs Lucy’s back. “You are my favorite Lane, Lucy Lane.”

Lucy grins. “Don’t let Lois hear you say that, she loves you.”

“Yea but she _showed_ him.”

Lucy shivers. “I did not need to know my sister’s taste in porn!”

“If I had to know so do you!”

Grabbing a donut, Lucy shoves it into Kara’s laughing mouth and watches in triumph as Kara chokes just a bit.

“Well now you have to show me all of them,” Lucy says in resignation.

Kara really does choke on the donut. She coughs a few times before dislodging it. “What?”

“I need to know which companies to send the letters to.”

“Oh Rao,” Kara rubs her flaming cheeks. “Do I have to?”

“Not like I want to watch them.” Lucy grin turns evil. “Or you know, maybe I can just ask James, I’m sure he’s seen all of them.”

“You’re not my favorite anymore.” Kara huffs and sits at Lucy’s computer.

“Nuh uh, I’m not letting that porn touch my computer, give me your laptop.”

Kara hands her the laptop and the notebook filled with pages of titles, companies and actors. Lucy raises her eyebrows.

“There’s…a lot,” Kara says, blushing.

“Wow, guess superhero kink is a thing.”

Groaning, Kara lays her head on the table with an exaggerated pout.

“Huh…” Lucy tilts her head and purses her lips.

Kara frowns. “What?”

With a wide grin, Lucy swings the laptop over. “So…doing more research huh?”

The Agent X Supergal video playlist. Kara’s cheeks heat up so much it’s like she’s using heat vision with her body.

“Oh no,” Kara says, hurrying to reclaim her laptop.

Lucy giggles and hugs it to her chest. “You sure you want me to include this video in the list?”

“Yes!” Kara puffs out her cheeks.

“Huh, she really does kinda look like you,” Lucy squints. “You know if I didn’t know you as you…I always wondered how you could afford that bomb ass apartment.”

“That’s _not me_!” Kara whines. “And I don’t pay rent.”

“Wait you don’t?”

“Alex owns it, she gave it to me after she got her new place.”

Lucy wiggles her eyebrows.” So you’re a kept woman huh?”

“Shut up!” Kara good naturedly slaps Lucy’s thigh. “It was a graduation present.”

“I’m going to tell Lois her Chanel watch pales in comparison to an apartment.” Lucy’s face turns thoughtful. “The DEO doesn’t pay _that_ much, how does she afford it?” She looks down at the laptop again. “That Agent X does kinda look like Alex…”

“Stop it!” Kara glares. “Alex owns a few patents.”

“On what?”

“I don’t know…molecular…bio…something…she got it before she even graduated.”

Lucy sighs dramatically. “It’s a shame Alex isn’t single anymore. She wouldn’t want a girl on the side would she?”

“Hey!” Kara frown-pouts. It only serves to make Lucy laugh at her expense.

“I’m joking. Okay, I’ll see what I can do with your porn.”

“It’s not mine,” Kara mumbles and pouts even further when Lucy makes a full-bellied laugh.

-

“You seem happy,” Alex says.

Kara leans over and kisses Alex’s cheek. She giddily swings their held hands together and pulls Alex along the museum.

“There’s a light show I want to see.”

“You know that’s for kids and stoners right?” Alex says, smirking. Kara tugs her along, undeterred.

“Pretty lights, don’t care.”

Kara’s bright mood doesn’t even lose its shine when Alex goes through the science side of the museum. She watches as Alex scoffs at some of the facts and corrects them to the kids reading them. Alex would be a good teacher if she ever chooses to leave the DEO, but then again she would probably be doing more lifesaving research instead.

As Alex regales the fundamental law of engineering to enraptured kids, Kara discreetly backs into a wall and checks her phone. She grins as she sees all the DMCA takedown notifications for all the pornography videos she’d unwittingly been featured in.

“Take that,” Kara mumbles. She will never cease to be amazed by Lucy’s prowess.

“Hey,” Alex taps her shoulder.

Kara fumbles with her phone to minimize the app. She grins at Alex and adjusts her glasses.

“Hey! How was teaching?”

“I wasn’t teaching, I was imparting wisdom.”

“So teaching?”

Alex lets out a customary eye roll and takes Kara’s hand. “Come on, I know you’re hungry.”

“Starving.”

The day ends perfectly of course. She really should’ve stayed off the internet so it would stay perfect. Too bad Kara just can’t help herself.

While Alex takes a shower, Kara’s curiosity piques once more. Maybe she’ll just have another look at that Agent X video before it gets taken down. It’s just a bit of research, what harm could it do?

She opens up the website and her jaw drops.

“No…” Kara mumbles. “No way!”

They’re all back up! Every single one of those videos! Kara clicks on one just to make sure it’s not her eyes fooling her.

“Are you kidding me?” Kara hisses.

Instead of the House of El on their cheap porn costumes, it’s now that weird S that Kara hasn’t seen since her high school days. The one everyone drew on their notebooks, that blocky S.

She groans and calls Lucy.

“Lucy, the videos are back up!”

_“What? Okay let me just—“_

“No, they changed their costumes, it’s still … I don’t know they like photo shopped it or something!”

“ _Shit…that’s tricky.”_

“Please tell me you can get them down again?”

_“I’ll work on it, but they basically just found a loophole.”_

Kara groans loudly and slams her laptop cover shut in a huff.

“Hey you okay?” Alex asks, towel drying her hair in her comfy pajamas.

Kara swallows and turns back to her phone. “I’ll call you back later.”

Taking a deep breath, Kara steels herself for the conversation she needs to have. She pats the seat next to her.

And chickens out.

She sneak attack tickles Alex instead.

“Kara!” Alex says in her fit of forced laughter. She kicks at Kara’s stomach but it’s pointless.

Kara lays on top of Alex, smooshing their bodies into the couch. She sighs and burrows her head against Alex’s chest.

“Comfy,” she says.

“God you’re deadweight.” Alex flicks her nose.

Kara runs her fingers threateningly over Alex’s stomach again. She freezes when she encounters smooth skin instead, right above Alex’s pajama pants. Alex’s shirt rode up during the tickle attack, just near the bottom of Alex’s chest. Kara swallows nervously.

“Hey,” Alex says, rubbing Kara’s shoulders. She tries to shift and push her shirt back down but Kara stops her.

“I’m fine.” Kara puts her hand over Alex’s stomach, feeling it contract under her palms. She slowly draws circles, listening intently to the skin on skin contact.

“Kara,” Alex’s breath hitches.

A moment later Kara shakes her head and pulls Alex’s shirt down.

“Sorry,” Kara says and sits up.

“It’s okay.” Alex quickly gives Kara a full hug and kisses the side of her face.

“I’m sorry I just…” Kara licks her dry lips and clenches her hands. They still tingle after touching Alex’s bare stomach.

“Don’t worry about it okay? We don’t have to do anything.”

Kara nods as Alex hugs her tighter.

She’s ready to go to the next step with Alex. So ready. Totally ready.

She’s just nervous. Kara eyes her laptop. Maybe she just needs a bit more research.

 


	5. Alex Danvers

Kara balances her laptop on her stomach and types in the memorized site in the browser. She drums her fingers along the keys and chews her lips. She really shouldn’t be doing this anymore, but well if they’re up she might as well check to see if they’re still there right?

And for research. Not very good research. These over-acted videos aren’t as good as the self-help sites she’s read.

She clicks on her favorite Agent X and Supergal video and wets her lips. If only she could fast forward the beginning, it’s so terrible, Alex would never say these things.

Thirty seconds into the video, her stomach feels warmer than usual.

No not the pleasant warmness she feels in her lower stomach, but actually physically warm. She tries to pause the video but nothing is responding. Kara holds the power button to turn it off, no response. Smoke billows out from the keyboard.

Kara yelps and sets the laptop on the coffee table before it literally starts burning. She uses her freeze breath on it.

“What the hell?” Kara mumbles, staring at the charred ruins of her expensive laptop.

-

“Can I borrow your laptop?” Kara asks, tapping Winn on the shoulder.

“Uh sure. Let me just get it from--” He spins around in his chair to see that Kara already has his laptop in her hands. “Oh well you already have it then.”

“Thanks Winn.” Kara sits down next to him and immediately gets to work on her overdue article.

“What happened to yours?” he asks, mildly interested.

“Uhhm…” Kara pushes her glasses up nervously. “I don’t know it overheated or something.”

“Did you bring it? I could take a look at it.”

“Oh no no no.” Kara leans in close to the screen, avoiding Winn’s look. “It’s fine.”

He narrows his eyes for a moment before shrugging and getting back to his own work. Kara blows out a breath in relief. He does not need to know how her computer nearly exploded on her.

A few hours later, with her article finished and sent, Kara leans back in her chair and stretches out. She whips her head back and forth, seeing the control room practically deserted and Winn had already gone out to lunch promising to bring her back some take out. Kara drums her fingers along his laptop.

Well…no one is here. Kara chews her lips and already starts typing in the familiar site.  She puts one headphone into her ear and pulls the laptop close so no one can see the screen. She’ll just watch for a few minutes. Just to make note of what videos are still up.

Thirty minutes later, Kara almost flings the laptop into the ceiling when Winn gasps right next to her and pulls the laptop off her.

“What are you doing?” he hisses and frantically closes all the windows and forces a shut down. He pulls out the battery and takes ten steps back to duck behind a chair.

“Uhh…Winn?”

He pokes his head out, looking at his laptop before he steps back out. “What the hell Kara?”

“What? I wasn’t…what?” Kara plays the innocent card.

Winn takes a look around him for any stray prying ears. “You were watching…oh my god.” The truth dawns on him. “That’s how your laptop overheated. Oh my god you were watching!”

“I was so not…” Kara ducks her head to hide her flaming cheeks. Her eyebrows knit together. “Wait why would that have anything to do with my laptop exploding?”

“It exploded?” he half screeches.

Kara covers his mouth with her hand and shushes him. None of the other agents seem to find their behavior any weirder.

“Okay fine, it did. And maybe I was.” Kara lifts her hand.

“Oh dear god,” Winn says, shaking his head.

“What did you do? Why would that have any connection?”

Winn puffs out his cheeks and looks away. “Uh … no reason. It was just a guess.”

“Winn…” Kara gives him the I’m-Supergirl-you-better-confess-your-sins look.

“Nuh uh. Alex will kill me.” Winn slaps a hand over his own mouth.

“Alex _knows_?!”

“Crap…” Winn backs away, ready to flee but Kara just holds his tie in a vice grip.

“She _knows?!_ Did you _show_ her?!”

“No no! She already knew!”  Winn frantically holds his tie so she won’t accidentally choke him.

“What do you mean she knew?” Kara’s so close to his face that if she heat visioned him it would definitely splatter across her hair.

“Okay okay I’ll tell you just let go?”

Kara drops his tie and crosses her arms. “Explain now.”

“She asked me a couple days ago to make a virus to track…stuff…she didn’t want me to know about them but I couldn’t really target something I wouldn’t know right?” Winn rubs the back of his neck. “And then she showed me…and…she knew that I knew…and you know she’s terrifying right?”

Kara raises her eyebrows.

“Right of course, anyways, so it freezes any device and overheats them if you show a history of … watching your…stuff.”

“Why did mine’s explode then? That’s dangerous.”

“It wasn’t supposed to!” Winn’s face scrunches in worry. “It searches your computer history and the more you watch the more it…” he blinks. “Wait how much did you watch?”

“T-That’s…” Kara pins him with a glare. “Shut up.”

“Oh my god.”

“No. Don’t even—“

Winn holds up his hands in a placating fashion. “Right right. I’ll just…make sure nothing explodes. No exploding computers.”

“Good.” Kara turns around and stomps away with as much dignity as she can muster. She squares her shoulders. Great. Now how can she pretend this never happened and make sure Alex never brings it up?

-

“Okay spill.” Alex snaps the dishtowel on her shoulder and leans against the sink with her eyebrows raised.

“Spill what?” Kara takes a long drink of water.

“Whatever it is you want to say.”

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” Kara ducks her head and plays with the label on the bottle of water.

“Right. Does it have anything to do with that scorch mark?” Alex tips her head to the living room where the black charred coffee table taunts Kara.

“Uhhh…” Kara rubs her neck nervously. “I … my computer…it sort of exploded?”

“What?” Alex’s face pinches in concern. “Was it Indigo? Or another Brainiac?”

“No no, it’s not alien.” Kara puts a hand on Alex’s arm so she doesn’t rush off half-cocked. “I just…okay I have no idea how to even begin.”

“You can tell me anything.” Alex rubs her thumb over Kara’s hand and sends her such a patient look.

“I talked to Winn today…about…the videos.”

Alex blinks rapidly before her lips turn down into a frown. “Oh…he—“

“I already knew about them.”

Alex’s body sags. “I’m sorry. I wanted to get to them sooner, but…well I’m taking care of it. It might take some time to get it all down but I’ll make sure of it okay?”

“That’s not—I mean, thank you but that’s not…” Kara sucks in a breath.

“Don’t worry, they won’t make anymore.”

“What?” Kara tilts her head. “What do you mean? Oh no, did you threaten them?”

“No…I did not…” Alex says defensively. “I had a chat with the girl who plays Supergal, she won’t be doing them anymore.”

“Oh Rao, is she okay?”

“Yes,” Alex says through clenched teeth. “She promised to not do anymore Supergal ones. Honestly it’s not like it’s her fault. She just needed the money for grad school, lord knows I know how that’s like. So I just directed her to a scholarship, it’s up to her if she wants it or not.”

“Oh! Okay that’s good.” Kara nods adamantly. “Cool. That’s…yea that’s good.”

Alex rubs her shoulders and kisses her cheek. “I have your back Kara.”

“You always do.” Kara hugs Alex tightly and just enjoys the moment.

“So, Netflix?” Alex pulls back and looks for Kara’s computer.

“Uh…it exploded? Remember?”

“Oh yea…okay we’ll just use a tablet—wait…” Alex puts her hands over her waist in the pose Kara always tries to mimic. She can never quite get the confidence in the stance. “What do you mean exploded?”

Kara swallows. “Uhhm…”

“You watched them,” Alex says with a small frown. “But it should’ve just overheated, unless well that cascading algorithm calculated that…how much did you watch?”

Kara slinks down into the chair and hides her face.

“Kara Danvers, were you watching your doppelganger porn excessively?”

“It was for research!”

“Uh huh.” Alex hip checks Kara and swings an arm around Kara’s shoulders. “No shame in watching porn.”

“Ugh, it’s not like that. I just wanted to be _good_ when we—“ Kara cuts herself off.

“Kara?” Alex moves to stand in front of her and takes Kara’s hands in hers. “Kara we don’t have to do anything. I love how we are now, we don’t—“

“But I want to. I’ve…I’ve wanted to but…” Kara can’t look at Alex. She looks down at their hands instead. “I want you to feel good.”

“Kara…”

“I’ve never had sex and …I just wanted to know how to do it.”

“I don’t think porn is the right way to go.”

“Well, yea, that’s why I’ve read stuff too.” Kara’s face flushes. “It would be my first…and I…”

Alex sighs deeply. “Kara…it’s not…it’ll be my first time too.”

“With a girl.”

“No…ever.”

“What?” Kara zeroes in on Alex’s blushing face. “Wait…but you’ve had boyfriends before.”

“I did but…it just never felt right so I never…went that far.” Alex leans her forehead against Kara’s. “So you have nothing to worry about.”

“Oh…” Kara slides her hands across Alex’s waist and squeezes. “That’s…”

“Uh huh.”

“So I might know more than you?”

Alex pinches Kara’s neck. “You were watching porn, your Supergal porn, I don’t know if that’s any better.”

“Hey! I was watching Agent X porn.” Kara bites her lips at the slip. “Uhhm…”

Alex just chuckles and kisses her. “We can so do it better than them.”

“Yea?” Kara noses Alex’s cheek and pulls Alex’s hips closer.

Grinning, Alex pulls at Kara’s neck until they’re at the bed and pushes Kara down. Kara’s definitely using some techniques she’s learned from the videos.

-

Kara hums as she skips around her kitchen, pouring herself a bowl of cereal. The smile smacked on her face hasn’t decreased any since she’d woken up. She wonders how long it would take to get breakfast and come back before Alex wakes up. Maybe have a bit of breakfast in bed…take the day off. Kara sighs dreamily and finds herself watching Alex sleep at the foot of the bed.  She quietly and uses superspeed to get into some clothes and is halfway down the hallway of her building.

Her phone dings and Kara frowns. The alerts she’s asked Winn to set up rapidly coming up. She groans lightly, greaet. Not another Supergirl parody porn. She pouts.

Wait. She squints and pulls up the screencaps.

It’s not Supergirl parody porn. But the actress is the same actress? Kara scrolls through the video description.

College student recruited by secret agent for secret government projects, if she could prove herself.

Kara blinks.

“Oh come on!”

She bites her lip. One video won’t hurt. Right?

She clicks on it.

She wonders how Alex likes roleplaying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here concludes my weird ass hilarious fic. perhaps i'll write a E rated addition later. maybe.


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